This week was a mix of better and worse, with the harder parts increasing toward the end of the week. The side effects from the Capecitabine (chemo) are starting to set in, with my fingertips beginning to feel numb and diarrhea starting as well.
Radiation has been a bit of a journey. The goal every morning is to have my bladder completely full so it pushes my colon out of the way of the radiation while also helping protect the bladder itself. At the same time, the colon needs to be as empty as possible. Monday morning was a little frustrating because my bladder was completely full… but so was my colon, which meant I had to get off the table and come back later in the day. That was the third time I’ve had to come back after the initial scan.
The actual radiation treatments are short when everything goes smoothly. So far, the symptoms from radiation itself have been fairly minimal, aside from an increasing burning sensation in the rectal area. They prescribed an ointment for it, though I’m not sure how much it’s helping yet. Overall, though, I would still say things are going okay.
This week we also did labs with both my oncologist and my naturopath. While they are looking at some of the same things, they are also evaluating very different aspects of my health. My naturopath is looking more at the whole body and how my body is responding overall. He is also monitoring markers related to my bone condition as we work to rebuild them while radiation and chemo are actively tearing them down. That’s honestly a little crazy to think about.
It’s also hard emotionally sometimes, watching certain markers move out of range after working so hard to get them into range and keep them there. I have to continually remind myself that numbers are only part of the story, and that my hope is not anchored in lab reports, symptoms, or circumstances.
Last week, as I mentioned in my previous update, hydrating via IV made a huge difference for me. By Friday this week, it still helped, but it didn’t create the dramatic improvement it did the week before - even after doubling the bag size. It’s hard not to think ahead and wonder what things will feel like by the end of six weeks. That’s where I continually find myself having to redirect my focus back onto the Lord instead of letting fear or discouragement get ahead of me.
And honestly, I can say there has been grace in that.
Even walking into radiation each day, what could feel cold, clinical, and sterile has instead often felt peaceful and covered in prayer. I am deeply aware that I am not walking through this alone. The Lord has been faithful to meet me day by day, moment by moment. Not always by removing the difficulty, but by sustaining me in the middle of it.
I am so grateful for the people God has placed around me. My sweet friend, Natalia, is there with me daily, sending encouraging texts and Scripture. Other friends and family continue checking in, praying, and reminding me that I am loved. It truly means more than I can express.
This week also brought a really exciting turn of events that I am incredibly encouraged about. I’m waiting for a few things to get into place before I fully share what’s coming, but I can already say this: God’s fingerprints are all over it. I’m hopeful I’ll be able to talk more about it in next week’s update, so stay tuned.
Despite the hard moments, I genuinely feel positive and hopeful. Negative thoughts still try to pry their way in from time to time, but I am practicing over and over and over again as I remember that where we fix our eyes matters. There is still so much good. There is still beauty, purpose, love, and the presence of God in the middle of all of this.
I remain deeply grateful for each day, for every prayer, and for every person walking beside me through this journey.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith…”
~ Hebrews 12:1–2
Comments
Post a Comment