A Month of Setbacks and Mustard Seed Faith

Some months move forward with steady momentum... and others seem to bring everything to a halt. February was definitely the latter.

Wow! I was on a roll in January with five blog posts, and then… February happened.

The February Bug

It seems that “the bug” so many people I know caught finally hit me and took me down for most of the month. I haven’t actually been sick with a cold or flu since my diagnosis, so I was curious when I met with my ND if he would see it as a concern.

I learn something new every time I meet with him. Honestly, I could sit and chat with him for hours about health-related things. I find naturopathic healthcare so fascinating. Apparently our immune systems have multiple pathways, and it turns out that this particular bug uses the same pathway we are strengthening to fight the cancer. So at this point, it’s not considered a concern.

One thing I had been avoiding, however, was learning how to use a Neti Pot. I tend to imagine the worst when it comes to water going up my nose.

But when a friend told me her cold shifted after using a Neti Pot with garlic boiled in the saline, I decided it was time to overcome my fears.

The most uncomfortable symptom I had was pain in my sinuses from infection. Usually I can get that to move along by downing minced organic raw garlic, but not this time. The infection and pain just kept getting worse.

So… out came the Neti Pot.

I’m happy to report that it did not drown me.

Even better, it seemed to reverse the infection. Each day the mucus went from green, to yellow, and finally to clear. Overall, it took about four weeks for the sinus pain to completely go away.

Insurance Curveballs

While all of this was happening, we also lost our health insurance and had to scramble to figure something out. Unfortunately, we don’t qualify for ACA (Obamacare), so we ended up adding another $1,000 monthly bill for less-than-par insurance coverage.

I try not to dwell on it too much and instead turn to the Lord for provision for our financial needs.

Because of the insurance situation, I had to put some medical appointments and tests on hold. I finally received my new insurance information late Friday, so on Monday I’m hoping to start scheduling those next appointments.

Exploring a Gentler Path

Backing up a bit, both of my holistic doctors are concerned about the potential damage the protocol my oncologist is recommending could do to my immune system and my quality of life afterward. They both prefer a gentler approach—and so do I.

Dr. Cochran referred me to an integrative oncologist in Renton, WA, and I have an appointment scheduled with him on Monday, March 16.

The unfortunate part is that the appointments I need to schedule Monday are tests that should ideally be completed before that visit so I can bring updated results. Dr. Cochran recommended waiting 7–10 days after my symptoms were gone before doing certain labs… well, that hasn’t happened yet. So I won’t have the most up-to-date terrain labs available.

As my mom often said, “Well, just do the next best thing.”

I am really looking forward to meeting with this oncologist and learning about his approach to my specific situation. He is known for using gentle chemotherapy alongside holistic care, with the goal of preserving his patients’ immune systems.

The downside is that he is outside of our insurance network. Our broker told us that if we want insurance to cover anything related to him, we would need a referral—and even then it could be complicated. On top of that, the deductible for out-of-network care jumps by about $90,000.

How do you say, without saying it outright, that I really dislike health insurance… the whole system?

So here is where things currently stand. My naturopath suggested we explore whether my in-network oncologist and the integrative oncologist might be willing to work together on a consulting basis. If that works out, we would pay the integrative oncologist out-of-pocket for his consulting fees while receiving treatment locally through the in-network oncologist.

After our deductible is met, the rest of the treatments would theoretically be covered.

I’m not holding my breath, because these things don’t always work the way my brain thinks they should. If the doctors aren’t willing to collaborate, we will have to figure out what it would look like to travel five hours to Renton every week for treatment—and honestly, I don’t even want to think about the cost right now.

Letting Go of Control

All of this means there are many moving pieces that need to line up.

As a recovering “controller,” I’m finding that the only thing I can really do is let go and let God. Worrying isn’t good for the nervous system, and trying to imagine every possible outcome is simply overwhelming.

There is so much UNKNOWN about the coming days, weeks, and months.

And honestly, that is the perfect environment for exercising faith.

Mustard Seed of Faith

With all that said, I am clinging to Matthew 17:20:

“If you have faith the size of a mustard seed… you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

My mountain right now is all about a supernatural spontaneous miraculous healing or a process of healing naturally with the Lord's supernatural help which means a lot of pieces that need to come together—and some pretty intimidating financial realities as well.

Freedom from Dread

DREAD.

Something the Lord has shown me through all of this is that I live with dread more than I realized. On one hand, part of me wants this year to be over already. On the other hand, part of me wishes time would stand still.

When the Lord showed me that this tension was actually dread, He also showed me that it’s a familiar feeling—something I have lived with for much of my life.

The Lord doesn’t reveal these things for no reason. He wanted to bring breakthrough and freedom from dread.

I feel like He has me in a really meaningful process of seeing how actively He is present in my life. And that brings me a lot of peace.

Community Support

Some very dear and sweet people in our lives have offered to help us with fundraising. The idea of fundraising feels a bit intimidating to me, especially with the lower energy I’ve been experiencing lately, so the help there would be amazing!  I hope to share more about that at some point soon.

Prayer Requests

If you feel led to pray, here are a few specific things we would deeply appreciate prayer for:

• Radical Remission (HEALING with minimal invasive treatment)

• Wisdom and clarity as we navigate treatment decisions
  
  

• Favor and cooperation between doctors and insurance
  
  

• Peace, strength, and continued faith for the road ahead
  

Your prayers truly mean more than you know.

Gratitude

As always, I am so grateful for each and every one of your beautiful prayers and kind thoughts toward me.

I continue to be deeply thankful for our dear friends who have committed to ongoing financial support, and for everyone who has given so generously since the beginning of this journey. You all truly humble me and blow my mind with your kindness.

Most of all, I am grateful to the Lord who walks ahead of me and orders my steps. I am thankful that God is a good, good Father; that Jesus is a beautiful Savior and healer; and for the Holy Spirit, who brings comfort and guidance.

I am also so thankful for the relationships the Lord has brought into my life as a result of this diagnosis—beautiful people and beautiful friendships that I now have the privilege of praying for.

Still trusting the Lord who knows how to move the mountain.